From Blame to Bravery: An Afghan Autism Mom’s Truth

Imaan was 15 months old when I started to question his milestones. As a first time mom, I looked forward to reading the monthly milestone graphs and would get so excited about what he was able to do next. Except most milestones never came. He had a cousin who was born around the same time and he was walking, talking, clapping, dancing and imitating a lot of things. I remember the first time I went on the search engine and asked, “why can’t my 15-month-old son talk or walk yet?” Something related to autism showed up. I opened the page and closed it. I mean, how can it happen to me right? There is no way.

What is autism anyway?

That night I didn’t sleep. I would come up with 100 reasons why my son wasn't autistic. He couldn’t possibly be. I immediately started physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy.

My husband thought I was out of my mind. He kept saying “stop being so paranoid.” My family would say “boys are just late, don’t worry he will talk and walk soon.” My gut told me otherwise. I started to make appointments anywhere I could. I reached out to a neurologist, developmental pediatrician and many other professionals. By the age of 3, m son was walking, but not talking and he hadn’t reached a lot of other milestones. He was diagnosed with autism.

That day I felt like my whole life had been turned upside down. The future I thought I had for my little boy looked very different. I couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks and even months after that. I think the hardest part about getting to that stage was that I had no one’s support. No one believed me, no one supported me through the process. Everyone thought I was overreacting and irrational. I was questioned on his bedtime routine, his food choices, his behaviours. Everyone blamed me for how he was.

The support system is never there when you need them the most. I managed every thing myself. Your circle becomes smaller. not only are you isolating yourself because of the unknown, but people become offended by your struggles.

I learned so much navigating my son’s journey. I believe that everything we face in life is sent to teach us and shape us into who we are. It took me years to fully accept and understand his diagnosis. I read a millions of books and took many classes. I am also very open about my son’s diagnosis because I know how lonely the journey is and I don’t want any other mother to feel they’re the only one. Today, I fully accept my son’s diagnosis. I feel blessed and honored to be chosen as his mother and guardian in this world. I choose where we go, I choose the people who choose him and make him feel loved and accepted. He is the air I breathe and my little piece of heaven.

To all Afghan parents with autistic children: The journey is long and challenging, but I promise you will be ok and God does guide you to the tribe who will love and accept your child like you do. You will be ok and so will your child. Never stop advocating for your child.

Zara Zamani