Breaking the Silence: An Afghan Autism Mom’s Fight for Her Daughter’s Future

I had my beautiful baby girl in December 2020. Having a daughter was always my husband’s dream, and when she arrived, she brought so much joy into our lives. Arshi was such a happy, smiley child. Everything felt perfect… until she reached around 15 to 20 months. That’s when I started to notice changes. Her attention, her eye contact, and her response to her name began to disappear. My daughter had all of that before, and then suddenly, it was gone.

Arshi stopped waving goodbye to her daddy. It felt like she was slowly drifting into her own world. I saw it happening right in front of my eyes, and I felt it deeply as a mother. I kept asking family members if they could see what I was seeing, but everyone kept telling me, “She’s absolutely fine.” Maybe it was because I had watched my nieces grow up closely. I knew what typical development looked like. My nieces were very advanced, and I could clearly see that Arshi was different. But every time I raised concerns, I was told I was overthinking.

“Do you want her to go to university already? She’s only one and a half, relax.”

But something inside me wouldn’t let me ignore it. I kept searching. I spoke to professionals, reached out to anyone who could guide me, and refused to stop until I found answers.

When Arshi was finally diagnosed with autism at 22 months, something happened that broke me even more. Family members said, “We knew… but we didn’t want to tell you.” That moment stayed with me. It made me realize how far behind we are, especially in our Afghan community, when it comes to recognizing early autism signs and understanding the importance of early intervention. If they had spoken up, we could have started helping her even sooner.

Another thing I noticed from both sides of the family was this mindset of, “They will grow out of it,” or feeling sorry for the child with autism and giving in to everything. To me, that feels like giving up on our children. But at the same time, I don’t blame our Afghan people. They simply don’t have the knowledge about autism, ADHD, or mental health in general. They were never exposed to it or taught about it back home.

But I didn’t let that stop me. I have worked tirelessly to support my little girl. Today, Alhamdulillah, she is in a mainstream school with ABA support, and she is doing amazing. The routine, the diet, the therapies I follow for her… many people around me don’t understand it. And that’s exactly why I created Arshi’s Instagram page — to raise awareness in our Asian Afghan community about autism and supporting a child with autism.

Having an autistic child is not something to be ashamed of. It is not the end. There is so much we can do to support them, to help them grow, and to make them independent. We don’t need to hide our children. We don’t need to live in denial. Instead, we need to understand them. Support them. Stand by them as a family so they can truly thrive.

I know some people think I’m “too much” or even crazy for what I do. But my priority is my daughter and her future, and I will never stop fighting for her.

It’s very difficult to explain to my in-laws why I do what I do. Trying to explain what ABA is, what occupational therapy is, what speech therapy is, and why Arshi needs all of this support… it’s not easy. Even explaining why her diet is different feels like a constant struggle.

My in-laws don’t see how hard I had to fight with the local authority to get her the right support in school. They don’t know what an EHCP is or what it takes to secure it. So most of the time, it feels like I’m doing all of this alone.

I celebrate every single achievement, no matter how small. To others, it might look like nothing. Some even say, “She’s just growing out of autism.”

But, I know the truth.

Every step forward is because of Arshi’s own strength and effort, and everything we are doing together to support her as a child with autism.

With Love,
Lema Shams