Seeing the Child First: Reflections on Autism, Identity and Understanding
An Afghan American educator offers a powerful reminder that children with autism deserve to be seen first for who they are, and not be defined by their diagnosis.
Like so many others of my generation, I grew up knowing very little about autism. I had relatives who were on the spectrum, but they were often described simply as having “difficulties.” There was little understanding of why they struggled or what was truly behind their experiences.
I remember watching the movie Rain Man in the early 1990s. It was the first time I heard the word autism. At the time, it felt unfamiliar and fascinating. Years later, I would come to understand that autism is not a single presentation, but a spectrum. There is no one-size-fits-all description, experience, or outcome.
My understanding deepened significantly when I attended graduate school to become a licensed school counselor. One lesson has stayed with me throughout my career. Educators, often unintentionally, can fall into the trap of labeling students.
I recall a conversation with a parent that profoundly shifted my perspective. She said, “I have a child with autism. I don’t like to say my child is autistic.” At first, I was confused, as those phrases sounded similar to me. She went on to explain that she did not want her child to be defined solely by their neurodivergence. Autism was part of who her child was, but it was not the entirety of their identity.
That conversation reshaped the way I view and speak about children on the spectrum. Children with autism, like all children, deserve to be seen as individuals first. Their lives should not be defined by difference, but understood through it. Their unique ways of thinking, processing, and experiencing the world are not limitations, but meaningful variations of the human experience.
As an Afghan American and an educator, it brings me hope to see growing awareness and more open conversations about autism across communities. I deeply admire parents and families who share both the joys and the challenges of raising a child on the spectrum. These conversations matter. When vulnerability is met with acceptance and understanding, families feel less isolated and children are better supported.
When we move beyond labels and lead with curiosity and empathy, we create space for children and families to feel seen, valued, and respected for who they truly are.