Shak & Somi's Afghan Autism Parenting Journey

Hello, we are Shak & Somi — parents to three amazing boys, currently 15, 12, and 11. Our eldest son was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3½. He was born in 2010 through a normal delivery and met all his early milestones. He sat up, crawled, stood, and walked by 12 months. On his first birthday, we couldn’t believe he was already walking and we were so proud. Shortly after turning one, our son was using about 5–10 words.

However, right before his second birthday, things began to change. He started pointing at things instead of using his words. At the time, we thought it was adorable - his little fingers pointing at the food or milk he wanted. We had no idea this was a major regression.

My (Somi) instincts kept telling us something wasn’t right. I would watch other children his age in the neighborhood talking, playing, interacting… while my son often sat alone in a corner. He wasn’t responding to his name. He stopped communicating and eventually even stopped saying “Mama.” I knew in my heart this wasn’t normal.

I brought my concerns to his pediatrician, but she brushed it off, saying, “He’s a boy; sometimes they take longer.” But I knew this was more than a delay. I sought out a second pediatrician. The moment he observed my son’s hyperactivity, lack of verbal communication, confusion about his surroundings, and withdrawal, he referred us to a developmental pediatrician.

The evaluation process took about a year and a half, with visits every six months to monitor progress. Unfortunately, by 3½, nothing had changed, and he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

That day, my world completely shifted. I had never heard of autism before. No one in my family had it, and I didn’t know where to begin. I remember leaving the institute, sitting in the car, looking at my husband, and crying — “What are we going to do?” My husband struggled with denial for almost a year, making it difficult to move forward, but eventually he came around.

I began researching and discovered our county offered an early intervention program for children with global developmental delays. I enrolled him immediately. That is where our journey truly began. We met an incredible teacher who guided us, supported us, and connected us with the resources we desperately needed. She brought light to a very dark and confusing time.

Being part of an Afghan community, it was initially very difficult to explain why my son was not talking, why he didn’t eat properly, why he didn’t play with other children, or why he cried without reason. I had no answers, and I constantly feared judgment at family gatherings or community events. Some people even encouraged me to hide his condition.

But, I slowly began opening up. To our relief, my parents, siblings, and my husband’s family were immediately supportive. They listened, learned, and stood by us. We were navigating this journey alone, but we had a strong family community that understood our pain and challenges. Their support meant everything.

Public outings were challenging with people asking, “Why isn’t he talking? Why can’t he answer? Why is he repetitive? Why does he script?” But, we learned to take it one day at a time. In our culture, expectations can be incredibly high and it can be difficult to raise a child who doesn’t fit those expectations. But, what matters most is knowing your child; knowing who they are, what they need and how deeply they depend on your support.

Children with special abilities need love, patience and understanding. They don’t need to see us cry, frustrated or overwhelmed. They need smiles, encouragement and parents who are proud of them every single day. Their challenges are already significant. And, we should not add to their burden.

Our children with special abilities need family, acceptance and compassion. And as parents, we provide the foundation — the cushion, the umbrella — that helps them thrive. Together, we can create a community where our children are supported, valued and understood.

With Love,
Shak & Somi